The true nature of happiness... Is in relationships as per a Harvard study! Not really... Actually!

Life is a pursuit of happiness!

Every one, in every way, every day, is pursuing happiness. Whether it's material is spiritual, this pursuit has always kept us busy! The chase is on... Eternally.

Some seek happiness in achieving, some in doing what they love, some in having nothing... There are so many ways to be happy...

I met a friend this weekend, facing challenges in a relationship... Life turned topsy turvy. The success, the money, the comforts, did not matter...

We all have faced similar situations in our life. I could relate to this immediately... This set me thinking...

Happiness is in relationships...

I recollected a study done by Harvard which concluded that true happiness lies in fulfilled relationships. That's it. Happier you are, longer you live! This was also a study on longevity...

It's not about money, not about status, not about achievement! Its about loving relationships.

You can read it here.

https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/

Pondering deeper...

Let's assume that in a relationship, between two people, "a" and "b" are their level of closeness, love, trust etc. towards the other. Not what you expect from the other...

Relationships could be of partners, children, siblings, relatives, friends, lovers, parents etc.

"A x b" is equal to "c". Happiness is a product of loving the other unconditionally... This fits in quite well.

Let's take an example where "a" and "b" can have maximum values of 10, on a scale of 0 to 10. The "c" maximum value is hence 10x10 = 100. This is quite easy to understand, and point to note is, it's a multiplication and not addition.

The question is.

1. How to keep a and b at 10 at all times.

2. Is the c limited to 100 or can it go beyond this value. If yes, how much higher?

It can never always be c=100

Human Relationships are driven by the minds of two individuals. These are subject to give and take, judgements, biases, temporary moods, mutual benefit...and more...as mortals... our emotions are not constantly in the state of bliss, these relationships have ups and downs...like a roller coaster...

Fundamentally two variables, a and b, when multipled, can not create a constant.

This is simply not possible! Hence two humans can never create a perfect 100 of happiness at all times. They may experience a few moments of 100, after which, they will go back to a value between 0 and 100. The higher the score, more often, better is the relationship.

There are three possibilities. Both are high, one is high and other is low and both are low. Let's explore further.

Both are high

When both are high, it is usually a sign of a matured relationship. As long as both don't try to be perfect and score a hundred always... And are aware and take pro active steps to maintain it at high level. They usually accept that at times, the chips are down. And at times, you hit the jackpot.

One is High and the other is low

When one is high and one is low, one of the partners in the relationship is chasing the other. The other one does not reciprocate, maybe due to the fear of future loss if they get too close, due to another relationship, the reasons could be many. The one who chases, or wants to make the relationship work, can get frustrated... Over time.

Both are low

When both are at the low end, the relationship is more like a transaction. "What will I get, if i give this?" Is the primary concern. The way out is difficult, usually leading to one of them, getting to a zero level.

Its about giving

Relationships are all about giving, not taking. Thinking of what value can i add, how can I help, how can I care, increase the value of "a" and "b".

Its never going to be perfect

If you are searching for the "perfect" relationship with another human, it's not going to happen. The sooner this is accepted, life becomes easier, expectations are lowered, stress is less.

Let's see what happens when "a" become zero.

When a relationship dies, "a" becomes zero, making "c" zero. I have experienced this with (thankfully) only a few "close" friends/partners, where i chose to make "a" zero, as it was not worth continuing as the other person could not trusted anymore. A divorce, a separation, a business partnership breaking up, are all examples of "c" becoming zero, as "a" becomes zero. There is nothing wrong in this. If things are not working out, ending a relationship, frees up emotional resources for other relationships, that matter.

Its after all, a choice. Your own choice.

Limitations of Western thinking

Western thinking attempts to answer questions, within the limited realm of body and the mind taken together to create experiences. It is like being inside a room, and describing the building how it looks from outside. It is simply not possible.

Unless you go beyond the mind into the deep inquiry of self, it is not possible to get a perspective that is radically different. In the example of a building, it's like flying a drone and seeing the building from the outside. Vedanta is this drone, that has the science and the techniques to beyond the mind.

This is obvious, that when Harvard defines happiness in relationships, being confined to the realm of the mind, their perspective will be limited.

Let's see the other aspect now. Which is beyond the domain of the mind. By going beyond.

Vedanta and bhakti.

Let's explore if vedanta and bhakti can answer if

"C" being constant state of happiness, can it be made infinite and eternal? is this even possible?

To reach a steady infinite state, one of the variables has to be infinity. Anything multiplied by infinity is infinity. As "a" represents your state, which can not be infinity as a human, it leaves the only option to make "b" infinity.

As both "a" and "b" are manifestation the same consciousness, (nirguna adwaita bhahman) but due to virtual seperation they seem to be different...

What if the relationship is with the Supreme itself...manifested in the (saguna) form of

1. vatsalya (mother and child like yashoda and balkrishna),

2. gurushishya (teacher and student, like matsyendranath and lord Shiva),

3. friends (sudama and lord Krishna)

4. virahaprem ( of lovers who are not together, like Gopis and krishna),

5. dasya (superior and subordinate, like Hanuman and lord Rama)

or any other divine relation you can imagine...

As the Supreme is only giving..without any expectation...love, peace, knowledge...this is the ultimate relationship you can have ever....

The consciousness in the form of gods and goddesses, needed for relationship are manifested by you, which are closest to your heart. There are so many divine forms to choose from. It is truly astounding.

This is in stark contrast with abrahamic religions, which are based on the formless concouisness, with which, a relationship is difficult to establish, as it has no physical form. The same is true with yoga, Sikhism, Buddhism etc. Which do not have a form to worship. They are simply designed differently.

The power of love is unleashed, with vedanta and bhakti, as the relationship is very natural, easy and close to human experience... No wonder bhatkimarga in sanatana culture is so ancient, easy and fulfilling.

So, while "a" is limited, "b" is now unlimited, making happiness "c", unlimited.

The relationships with humans will never give you everlasting infinite happiness. With the divine, it will.

Adi shanakracharya, being the adwaita vedanta acharya, composed so many stotras on Shiva, Vishnu, devi...

Particularly, nirvanashaktam and shiv manaspuja are my favorites. Composed by Acharya, they encapsulate the entire bhakti vedanta in just six plus five shlokas.

As adi shakaracharya says...faith is when you study, reflect, contemplate, debate, discuss and experience yourself. That belief on self experience is the faith.

You can relate to this non eternal happiness, limited by human relationships with your own life experiences. Think of all the times when were close to 100, All the zeros and lost relationship, and recall that they are not permanent.

You can also relate to the divine and experience another level of happiness. (This may take some time first to identify the form and then to identify the relationship...) That is ever lasting and infinite. Experience it yourself and only then believe in it.

I relate to lord Krishna as a friend, sakha, which is close to my heart. I seek his guidance and blessings at all times.

This transforms all other relationships!

The divine relationship, transforms your relationships with other human beings, animals, trees, nature and even inanimate objects over a period of time. There is more giving, more acceptance, more love. And more clarity. It is the same consciousness, everywhere.

This does not make you weak, but empowers you to fulfill your role, your dharma for that role, objectively. The love takes a form of corrective action, punishments at times for others, when needed. Just like a mother, punishing the child of its own larger good.

Being in this blissful state is closest to the true identity. A true realisation of sat chit Ananda. Being with absolute truth (sat), doing with cosmic energy (chit) and having happiness eternally (Ananda).

I have connected to so many beautiful souls recently...Lovely souls, insightful books, beautiful places, brilliant thoughts, all appear on their own. As I expect nothing. Accept everything. Be in abundance.

Blessing

May the universe bless you with abundance of happiness by divine relationships. May this happiness spread to all other Relationships too. May you be in the eternal aum always.